Alternatives to swearing at work

The ‘f’ word has crept its way into the lexicon of offices everywhere. What sort of alternatives are out there to this most versatile of words?

Well, here’s a sample HR memo with some handy suggestions.

Dear Staff

It has been brought to the CEO's attention that some individuals throughout the organisation have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1. Instead Of: You don't have a fucking clue, do you?
   Try Saying: I think you could do with more training
    
2. Instead Of: She's a fucking power-crazy bitch
   Try Saying: She's an aggressive go-getter.
    
3. Instead Of: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
   Try Saying: Perhaps I can work late
    
4. Instead Of: Fuck off arsehole
   Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible
    
5. Instead Of: Well fuck me backwards with a telegraph pole
   Try Saying: Really?
    
6. Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a fuck.
   Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with...
    
7. Instead Of: Not my fucking problem.
   Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the project.
    
8. Instead Of: What the fuck?
   Try Saying: That's interesting.
    
9. Instead Of: No fucking chance mate.
   Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
    
10. Instead Of: Why the fuck didn't you tell me that yesterday?
    Try Saying: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in
     
11. Instead Of: He's got his head up his fucking arse.
    Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues
     
12. Instead Of: Oi, fuck face.
    Try Saying: Excuse me, sir?
     
13. Instead Of: Yeah, who needs fucking holidays anyway.
    Try Saying: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway