How to navigate difficult conversations remotely

Four tips for positive performance management

How to navigate difficult conversations remotely

Having difficult conversations is never easy, but in a remote world, performance management can be even more challenging. Without body language cues and the ability to connect in person, even the best intentions can easily miss the mark.

 

Whether in person or apart, handling these conversations sensitively is vital. Emotions are running particularly high in Sydney and Melbourne after experiencing the longest lockdowns of anywhere in the world. So how should managers and HR leaders navigate tricky conversations when they’re not face-to-face?

 

HRD spoke to SEEK resident psychologist Sabina Read to get her tops tips for communicating with care.

 

Lights, camera, action…

 

Zoom meetings have been part and parcel of everyday life and Read believes cameras aren’t always necessary. In day-to-day calls, reading someone’s body language may not be essential but for a sensitive conversation like a performance review, it’s always best to turn the camera on.

“We're looking for body language cues, so is the person distressed, are they angry or frustrated, so they seem fearful? The more information we can get, the more productive the conversation will be,” she said.

When working remotely, employees and managers are more likely to be unaware of the external factors that might be affecting a person’s performance or mood. We don’t have the opportunity to have a quick catch-up in the kitchen or go for a coffee, and work meetings can become very transactional. For this reason, it’s imperative that people leaders look out for signs of distress displayed in an employee’s body language.

Read more: Flexible working: Is it given or is it earned?

Be specific, timely, and constructive

Read said she’s not a fan of the phrase ‘negative feedback’, instead choosing to see all feedback opportunities as a chance to develop and grow. While feedback in itself is not a negative, it can easily become that if delivered poorly. She urged managers to talk about specific events or issues, rather than talking globally. She also stressed the importance of having those conversations in a timely manner instead of letting the issue fester until it becomes a much bigger source of tension.

“Something I often observe in many humans is that when something feels uncomfortable we put it off. And then by the time we get to having that conversation, some of it’s been lost because it's not timely,” she said. “If something feels relevant or important, shoot someone an email and say ‘I'd like to have a conversation, I've got some thoughts I'd like to share with you and I'm keen to hear your views as well’. That way you’re indicating that you've got something to say but that you're open to their response too.”

Setting up feedback as a two-way street is a great way to avoid the conversation feeling like a parent telling off their child. Approaching the issue with respect and an open mind is far more likely to lead to a positive outcome. Read also encouraged managers to finish off the conversation by offering suggestions for how to move forward in a positive way.

Stick to the facts

As humans, we tend to assume – a lot. And in the virtual world where we don’t have incidental conversations in the office, there is an even bigger risk of making false assumptions. If an employee is struggling to keep up with their workload their manager might assume they’ve stopped caring about their work. But behind the computer screen, there might be a range of other factors at play.

“If we don't check in with someone, we don’t give them the opportunity to say ‘well look, I've been looking after three children while working from home and I dropped the ball but I'm highly motivated and highly capable’. If we don't have those kinds of exchanges, we're going to fill in the gaps, and often we do that incorrectly,” she said.

She urged managers to base their feedback on facts and separate those from narratives they might have drummed up in their own mind. In essence, it’s about what a manager has observed happening, as opposed to what they think is happening. Leaders who can identify the two are more likely to deliver constructive feedback that ultimately leads to better outcomes.

Read more: Top HR leaders share how they fought for a seat at the table

Always follow up

Being on the receiving end of criticism, even in a constructive way, can often feel uncomfortable. It’s only natural for humans to feel judged or not good enough. But Read said it’s important to give employees the chance to process the information and offer an opportunity to talk again with a police follow up email. On the face of it, it might feel easier to shut the door and move on. But employees may feel they left things unsaid.

“We might feel relieved we’ve had that difficult conversation, but that follow up piece shows a level of professionalism, empathy and support. It also helps the other party clarify anything that they may have thought about after the conversation,” she said.

As HR leaders think about what the future of work looks like, for most office workers some level of remote or hybrid working will remain. Now is the time to equip managers with the skills they need to navigate difficult conversations, whether at home or in the office.

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