'Extraordinary leadership starts with knowing when to say no'
The ability to say "no" is a core leadership skill that is widely recognised as essential to being effective. Yet for many leaders, it remains one of the toughest words to say at work.
Certified coach Sylvia Nicolas has seen this pattern repeatedly, particularly among new leaders.
"This is one of the most common challenges I see with new leaders – they say yes when they desperately want to say no," Nicolas said in an article for The Coach Space.
She attributed this challenge to a variety of factors, such as the need to be liked, the lingering reflex to seek others' approval, and the pull of impostor syndrome that drives new leaders to overcommit in an effort to prove they deserve their role.
But she stressed that saying yes to everything demonstrates overcommitment, sets unrealistic expectations, and dilutes focus from strategic priorities.
How to say no at work
Saying the tough word "no" at work can be mastered in different ways.
Janet Shlaes, former director of the Centre for Innovative and Lifelong Learning at Rush University Medical Centre, said a prerequisite for saying no is courage.
"Embodying courage requires the cultivated ability to stay grounded in your best-case-scenario decisions and composed when feeling pressured by others," Shlaes said in an article for Psychology Today.
Experts also underscored that saying "no" is not an act of rejection, but about recognising and enforcing what should be prioritised at work.
"When I work with clients on this, we reframe what 'no' actually means. It's not rejection. It's clarity. It's strategic thinking. It's leadership," Nicolas said.
"Practise saying it confidently: 'I can't take that on right now' or 'That doesn't align with my current priorities.'"
According to Shlaes, courageous leaders directly and clearly communicate the reason behind each "no."
"When possible, avoid a conditional 'yes' and explain your rationale for your decision," she said.
"Unclear, mixed messages generate confusion and stress. Communicate your 'no' from a place of clarity, strength, integrity, previously agreed upon goals and standard practices, and a mutual commitment to organisational vision, mission, and values."
Ultimately, being able to say no means breaking from people-pleasing in the workplace.
A blog post from the website of Tony Robbins, a renowned coach and author, highlighted the importance of removing guilt from the equation and replacing it with ownership.
"Saying no doesn't require apology or defensiveness. You're not rejecting the person – you're choosing your priorities," the article read.
Nicolas recognised that saying "no" can be a difficult conversation, but stressed that it is necessary for leaders to embrace it with honesty and empathy.
Most importantly, she advised leaders to pause before responding to requests and examine what is driving their answer.
Leaders, she said, should first ask themselves: "Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to and have capacity? Or am I saying yes because I'm afraid to disappoint or be judged?"
The power of 'no'
Shlaes said a leader’s ability to say “no” is what enables them to set and protect their most important financial and human priorities.
"A thoughtful, disciplined, and courageous 'no' creates the time, space, resources, and energy for a more meaningful and productive 'yes,'" she wrote.
The Tony Robbins blog added that the shift towards becoming "extraordinary" leaders is the ability to say "no."
"Don't let fear, guilt, or habit dictate your calendar. Start making decisions from alignment, not obligation. A coach can help you get there faster with clarity, confidence, and a plan that works," it read.
"Great leadership starts with choosing what to say yes to. Extraordinary leadership starts with knowing when to say no."
