Cracking the job listing code

by Caitlin Nobes09 Aug 2013

HR hasn’t always had the best reputation, and apparently some people are suspicious that they’re using code to describe jobs. These are the best HR translations HC found on the web:
 

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
Most of our competitors don't pay much either.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
You'll be here very late, very often -- might as well be comfortable.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
Your first four projects are already way overdue.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Did we mention that you'll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless.

"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive's nephew.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
Due to consolidation, you'll be replacing three people.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
This company is a total mess.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Listen to management, figure out what they want, don't ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.

COMMENTS

  • by Lisa 12/08/2013 11:47:15 AM

    You forgot: "must have a good sense of humour" - we have some really difficult people and you're going to need it!